English’s
English’s, Brighton
A restaurant that opts to have its famous patrons hung up on the staircase walls usually goes one of two ways – A revered institution that reminds you of a bygone age – like Shirley Bassey. Or a slightly offensive, chain-smoking star clinging on to her former success – like Rita Ora.
As I shimmied past signed photos of the owners with Judi Dench, Twiggy, and the drummer from Bananarama, I couldn’t help but think that English’s in Brighton would probably fall somewhere between the two.
The vibe.
The word institution is banded around a lot these days. But considering for the past 20 years I’ve seen the outside of English’s peppered with pot bellied 50 something’s in burnt orange M&S cashmere jumpers, i think it’s fair to describe English’s this way.
I was taken to this long-standing fixture of the Lanes by my Mum who readily informed me that when my late grandpa, Peter Mendoza, won a few quid at the races, he would take her to English’s to celebrate. Heartwarming, but by the state of the décor it appears that the last time any thought was given to the aesthetic of English’s was as little Peter Mendoza was being evacuated to Portsmouth to escape the Nazi’s. So I suppose I would describe the decor as chintz, in a fairly-problematic-last-night-of-the-Proms-Rule-Britannia kind of way??
The service was charming, refined and friendly, as you’d expect. As the waiter kindly refolded my napkin as I sat down my mum whispered ‘oh Ben, you just don’t get this kind of service in these small plate restaurants’.
The food.
The scallops St Jacques was campy, well-cooked, but I already felt a bit sick from the richness of it all. So by the time the dressed crab arrived with what appeared to be egg & pre-grated refrigerated cheddar, it was all starting to feel a bit like a Thatcherite fever dream.
Nevertheless, as we polished off our mains my overriding thought was that neither of us could quite recall why we decided to order a cold, (quite bland) dressed crab, a piping hot (quite bland) fish pie, frites, peas, and an over balsamic glazed tomato basil salad to share. I guess we’ll never know.
The verdict.
English’s describes itself as The South’s leading independent seafood restaurant & oyster bar, offering you both classical favourites & modern seafood. In the end, we felt English’s, a bit like me, oversold and under delivered
Was the food stunning 3/5 - Classic but underwhelming
The vibe 4/5 - Not quite timeless, but charming
Scream factor 1945/5 - Dame Vera Lynn would’ve been right at home
Pricey? Overpriced
Would you recommend to someone you just met at a party - No, there are much better seafood restaurants in Brighton